bjcole83's Xanga

Taken for Granted

Tue, 06 Mar 2007 02:14:37 GMT

I find it funny how often we take things for granted until we are stripped of them or by chance we find ourselves revisiting the novelty of them. This weekend I took a journey down to the beach. I used to go at least once a week…even in winter. Something about the atmosphere near dusk there I find draws me into the presence of the Lord. One of the first times I went there in the evening, the Lord provided a magnificent sign of His beauty. I walked up and down the beach near the park where I left my green little car. As usual, I watched the sun set behind the arch of the bridge stretching across the Intracoastal Waterway. For whatever reason, I elected to wait there a little past twilight. Out over the ocean, something peculiar caught my eye. At first I had no clue what I was looking at. The sky was crystal clear. Over the horizon I saw a small sliver of some bright object getting closer. Perhaps it was an enormous tanker of some sort I thought. Soon I realized, it was no tanker of all. I happened to stumble upon the perfect night to watch the full moon rise over the horizon. It was one of the most magnificent vistas I have ever laid my eyes on. Since then I have gone back several times when I know a full moon will rise…and never has it been like it was that first time. It only happens a few times a year that it is dark enough outside when the full moon rises to create such a view not too mention finding the perfect weather.

So this weekend I set out hoping for a beautiful show as a red eclipsed moon rose over the horizon. Yet that didn’t happen for me. I saw beauty however in the sunset…a scene I hadn’t paid much attention to previously. Funny how I was seeking one thing and God gifted me with another. Yet even more peculiar is that if I was not seeking that one thing…I never would have received the other. It is in moments and seasons that I am resting in the Lord that I am able to see the beauty He has surrounded me with and soak it up. He captivates me time and time again with the declaration of the world He declared into being. For it is through the very WORD of GOD that this universe came into being. Even after years of the curse, that WORD still resonates in my heart. I can hardly imagine the splendor that must have enchanted Adam and Eve in the Garden. What a glorious day it will be when the curse is lifted and a new heaven and a new earth are brought forth by the coming of the Word of God…Christ Jesus.

You are Loved,

<>< Brian

Rest

Sat, 03 Mar 2007 20:59:02 GMT

I took time to rest today. It’s been a while since I’ve decided to take the time to actually rest. Time isn’t the problem; there’s been plenty of time for me to rest, but I’ve not. As a matter of fact, I’d say that I probably have not rested since the beginning of this school year. You might be asking, “How is that possible?” Well, I’m not talking about doing nothing, sleeping, or napping. I’m talking about rest. Let me explain.

In January, I took on leadership of the Sabbath Rest Team at my church (a position for which I truly am not qualified, but by God’s grace I am learning). Now, God has been reminding me since I’ve been leading how important rest is in my life.

In high school and college, I learned to develop the practice of rest. By rest, I mean restoration, renewal, a time away. Once I began student teaching, I let this practice fade away. Now, the Lord is bringing it to the forefront again.

Today, I went to Sonic grabbed a grilled chicken wrap and a large peach teach and slipped away to one of my two places in the area were I can get away from nearly everything. I brought a couple of books I’ve wanted to read. I sat outside and read for about two hours or so. Then I took time to respond to one of the things I read and thanked God for the work He’s provided me and the fruits of that work. After that, I went for a brief walk and chatted with God. Nothing complicated. That’s the kind of thing I find extremely restorative. Once I left, I was at peace. The world looked different, I saw beauty I hadn’t noticed on my way there. Now, that peace comes from the blessings of God’s rest. Once, I leave that rest the peace will soon fade and my eye’s will once again dim to the beauty of God’s Creation. It is essential for us to develop the practice of rest within our lives so that we might live out of that peace.

While in college and high school, I took time nearly every week if not more than once a week to do this. Sometimes it didn’t involve reading at all. Sometimes I’d just walk and talk with God. More recently, it has involved biking. I found taking a bike ride very restorative. Your way of resting may not be anywhere near mine, or it may be identical. The important issue is that you are resting. In all honesty, I attribute much of the peace and success I had in college to learning to rest and the fruits of that effort. Now, that I think of it I believe that the healing of my acid reflux was a direct result of practicing a lifestyle of rest while in college. Interestingly enough that acid reflux has begun to resurface now that I have not been resting. Several times, while in college I’d go to a park in the area right before finals and sit there and study for hours. Even though I was studying, my soul was still be restored because I was able to get away and spend my “off times” talking with God or taking in the beauty of His Creation. Other times, I’d take off on a 3-4 hour walk. I’d leave before noon on Saturday morning. Stop at a park for an hour or so. Sometimes I’d even stop by a museum on campus. Then, I’d walk back to the dorm. Now, I sometimes I’d talk with God on these walks and other times I’d just walk. Either way, God provided rest.

It is my desire to continue that practice of rest knowing full well that it must change and morph as the circumstances of my life changes. How does one rest with a wife? or with children? How do you rest as a family? What is restoring and bringing peace? It takes some effort to discover these things but it is well worth it.

What have you done that brings you this rest? (Replies welcome)

In Christ,

<>< Brian

Friday, December 01, 2006

Fri, 01 Dec 2006 00:58:39 GMT

This sign demonstrates how I feel tonight. I am still headed somewhere on this journey...though I am unsure of where. I have come across a huge SLOW DOWN. Why? Because if I don't I risk hurting others. I must slow down and watch the path I am on so that I don't plow through others. All too often I can be sarcastic towards others rather than caring. I must learn to see with my heart. I must examine this pathway with the eyes of my heart. I pray that those eyes would see through the lens of God's sight. That I may see with God's heart and respond with the attitude of Christ. That I might proceed with caution. For this is no longer my life this is Christ's life living through me as I am a living sacrifice for Him. I must start living that way now...

You are Loved,
<>< Brian

This Way...That Way...Which Way????

Thu, 16 Nov 2006 01:14:10 GMT

It feels so ominous. NO PARKING OR STANDING. I feel as though this is the sign that faces me now. I have reached my destination or so I thought until I found this sign facing me. My journey is not over. It has only begun. Yet I am content to PARK and STAND. The future frightens me. I seem to have lost touch with the way I am to travel. The love and passion I once had are ebbing. Yet there is a love and passion for where I am now. Still, I must press onward though I do not even know what road to start down...I MUST START. Lord give me guidance.

You are Loved,
<>< Brian

No sign tonight

Sun, 05 Nov 2006 22:19:31 GMT

Well I could not find a sign to go with this post, maybe next time.

Anyways, I felt compelled to say that I feel stagnant right now. Nothing bad is happening. Nothing really good is happening either. There's a lot of nicer words I could have used besides stagnant like "at peace" or content. But stagnant seems to be more appropriate. In all honesty it is as if I have reached the goal I have for my life and now I would be fine to simply stay here. But I am not. There's more around the corner. Eventually I will be going to church in Clear Lake, that will really help out. Somewhere down the road I'll get married...that will change things too. Not sure when either of those will happen. Could be a year could be 10. Only God knows. I think I need a change to get me out of the HO HUM of everyday life....

Employee Parking Only

Fri, 27 Oct 2006 23:16:13 GMT

I have finally traveled to place in my journey where I can now park in this lot. I must say it comes with its ups and its downs. The big plus is I don't have to walk that far to get into the school I work at. Another is that I can get out of the lot really quick. However, it also conveys a sense of responsibility and duty that I have not had before. Now don't get me wrong I love it. Yet I have come to experience some heart ache from this new benefit.
Today was the first day after one of my students, SR, had moved. You see SR was a good student. She was at school about 2 days a week, yet she still managed to get all her work done. Occasionally a few students would taunt or tease her in class. She has a soft-spoken and somewhat gentle personality. So I of course would come to her defense when the other students were being jerks. On the warm-ups I respond to each week, she wrote about getting kicked out of her house once and the difficulties she was having at home. She decided to move to Galveston with her boyfriend. And so she is gone. You know, my heart aches because I pray there is someone there who will stand up for her...some teacher who will show the love of Christ. I am certain I will never again see her or hear from her, but I pray that she finds security in Christ. I didn't think this would be so difficult for me, but it has been. I care for each of my students...especially those who I know have somewhat of a rough life. It hurts me to not know how they are and see their faces a few times each week. So if you get the chance, pray for SR today.

You are Loved,
<>< Brian

A new blog...

Tue, 17 Oct 2006 00:50:51 GMT

    I was honestly unsure of how I should start this new series of blog entries. I thought the this picture above all the others I took this weekend would be best to begin with. Let me explain. This weekend I went around my home town taking pictures of several different signs. Some we have all see...others we have not. Some signs tell stories, others give directions.
    Each of our lives are filled with signs along the road we journey. Sometimes we choose to follow the signs other times we ignore them.
    The sign picture above is blank. It no longer holds a message. Where something once was written, now is nothing. Sometimes the signs in my life have been like this. I am looking for and reading the signs along the path, but along comes one that can no longer be understood. Perhaps it has served its purpose. Or perhaps there is danger ahead I will only discover when I find it. Regardless, I for whatever reason cannot benefit from this sign. Trying to read it will only waste time.
    Often I have found my self desire some clear word from the Lord, only to discover that the sign I was hoping for has long faded away and can no longer be see. I must trust the signs I have seen before to guide me until something clearer comes along to give me direction.
    So we have entered this journey midcourse to find a faded sign, a traveler longing for direction, and a road left to travel. Soon we will see what other signs have guided this travelers sojourn.

You are Loved,
<>< The Traveler

My Students

Tue, 10 Oct 2006 00:38:33 GMT

Well, I am thoroughly enjoying teaching. I read a great book called "Molder of Dreams"; it was recommended by my principal. In it Guy Doud talks about the importance of teaching STUDENTS versus a subject. In all honesty, I want that to be my focus--THE STUDENTS. There is a lot of hard stuff they go through each week. I want them to know that I care.
So last Friday, I asked them to tell me about there week. We have done this before on warm-ups. But this time I took them up and commented back. I learned a lot about many of my students. A few of them even said that it really made their day. That was what I was shooting for. It is also a really sneeky way to get prayer requests from them...without calling them that. I can't wait till this Friday when we get to do that all over again. I love my students...I want them to grow into all God has for them. I want them to find HIS LOVE and acceptance. My purpose is to share HIS LOVE with them by caring.

You are Loved,
<>< Brian

Emotionally Unstable

Mon, 09 Oct 2006 00:28:52 GMT

    If there was any phrase to describe me, it might be "emotionally unstable." Now, I'm not out to do anything crazy or insane. I just cannot make up my mind about something in particular. For instance, this very moment I am highly in favor of this delimna. However, earlier today I wanted nothing to do with it. I have no clue why the change of heart, but it has changed. Unfortunately, it continues to change. I wish I could make a decision and stick with it...so I could act upon it. BUT I CAN'T evidently. So I appear to be in the land of limbo. I would say "Until God Speaks," but I think He already has spoken. So shouldn't that have made the decision for me? Why am I holding back? Oh yeah, because it is somewhat painful. In reality, all alternatives are painful. Yet, I can see great joy coming from the pain. So what do I really fear: Pain? Rejection? Death to self? Opinions of others? Closed doors?
    I wish life was easier than it is, but then it really wouldn't be worth it. The struggles we experience give life value. Take those struggles away and what are we left with?
    I want a life with meaning and purpose. A life that must include struggles and difficult decisions. Decisions that when made can open or close doors for a lifetime. Opportunities gone...never to be seen again. Is that a pathway to take lightly? Once a step is taken going back would be impossible.
    Do I follow my mind / reason or do I follow my heart?

    There must be some way to know beyond a shadow of a doubt which pathway leads...Now I was going to say to the better land, but as I think about that I should desire the LAND God desires for me. Perhaps the land before me is not filled with milk and honey, perhaps there are joys in a desertland that must be searched out, or perhaps the milk and honey come later. Or maybe they will be down the pathway where there is no backing out. I do not know. Nor should I. Decisions would be easy if we knew which decisions turned out best. But that is not the case.

    Well enough rambling for one day....

You are Loved,
<>< Brian

The Ride Home

Tue, 03 Oct 2006 01:01:56 GMT

So I was on the road home yesterday with half a million thoughts whirring through my head. All are about the future. Questions like..what should be said or asked...what should be left alone...should love be blind to indescretion...should love be painful...should it hurt...am I willing to let go of possible futures...is this right...is this condemned...why do I doubt...is that doubt caused by Satan or is it a doubt of conviction from the Holy Spirit...couldn't there just be writing on the wall...has there already been...are my eyes open to it...why does it hurt so much?

You are Loved,
<>< Brian